| !!!!111!!!!11! - Being peurile, or encouraging people to ph33r y0r l33t h4X0r |\/|@D$Xyllz must be followed by hundreds of irony-laden exclamation marks. Because you're so future-facing, you don't care about the fact that your pathetic web-surfing hands cannot exert sufficient pressure on the shift button for extended periods. Example: "YOUR GAY!!!!111!!!!11!" |
| ****-ONLINE - [website] - because all of the EDGE-reading elite are so... well, elitist, it was decided that, once the online version made it's debut, that they would carry on their ceaseless love-in over in the EDGE forum, where they could discuss their consoles without fear of having to argue about Goldeneye's graphics with MTLZOMBIE for three and a half years. In order to prevent the hoards of evil nEwBiE sKuMm from also making the leap (unfortunately, the internet has very little power to discriminate on quality), it was decided that the identity of the promised land would be hidden. Thus, "EDGE" is replaced with an array of secretive stars. However - natch - when the fabled forum finally did arrive, it was on rubbishy usenet. I cuss that. |
| 1000 - It is the aim of any forum member to start a thread which reaches into four figures. I mean, 100 - let's face it - is a piece of piss. 1000 is an acheivement, man. First reached by the evil thread "Let's Kill Biotech9!!!!!" in which most posts were random rubbish contributed by KINGWALRUS and BIOTECH9. Who we hate. Only one thread has otherwise reached that number, but - this time - under it's own steam. Here! |
| 30 days - although I have never heard it, I am assured by Stone "Coldest" Crazy that there is a famous jokes which, somewhere within itself, contains the phrase "After 30 days, the bats will be released". Crazy! Anyhow, because he is such a talent bucket, Stone turned this gem into a newbie-cussing device, namely "After 30 days, the twats will be released", which cleverly alluded to the fact that after the publication of every new edition of PCG, we were crushed beneath the weight of idiots rushing to spout the most crap about Keyrun. Bobsy seized upon it in his Middle Regular faze, at which point it was no longer cool. It ended, as most in-jokes do, with an inversion: "After 30 days, the jokes about 30 days will be released". Well - quite, eh? |
| 4-D - the fourth dimension (as anyone with a beard and an attraction to Orc-based statistics / silly TV programmes about promoting intergalactic peace will tell you) is Time. 4-D, however, is the relaunched identity of Judderman. J was forced to repackage himself because his previous account came to be so deeply reviled by all with eyes and hearts that he was not able to post without immediately contemplating suicide. |
| 733T - recently fallen out of popularity somewhat, this phrase is derived from FBI-taunting h4X0r speak (or, indeed "733t-speek"), meaning "elite". Except, obviously, it doesn't say that. What's the point in saying what you mean? It's so unpoetic. Can be spelt any number of ways - l33t, 7337, l337. Still doesn't make it funny or clever, though. |
| 7 stages - the forum's inward-facing Dawson's Creek-a-like self-analysis knows no boundaries. The seven stages was a way of classifying forum members, which is the sort of thing we like ("Quick! Pigeon hole me! I'm a newbie! I'm a regular! I'm an oldie!" Eugh), invented by Owen. An eigth stage was added by consensus, which was this. |
| 8D - [delphi profile] - surprisingly, 8D has managed to combine a tendancy to start lots of threads, a graphical signiture (obviously only a small-small one) and relative popularity. When questioned about this curious witchcraft like deviency, 8D refused to comment. Some people, eh? You may attribute it to a fearsome adoration of videogames and Swedish nationality, 8D recently set up the successful games forum "State" ( http://forums.delphiforums.com/thestate/ ) to which he posts at least 4,00 news items every day. Or something. |
| Annabeth - [delphi profile] - Annabeth holds a special place in most people's heart, on account of being the first widely-advertised woman-thing on the forum. The fact that she is currently "attached" (at the hip, natch) to Tim Edwards gave hope to literally millions of spotty, inferiority-complex forumers - as it turns out boys who like computers do get the sex. Sometimes. Annabeth first arrived at the forum in order to "find out what Tim was doing all the time", and thus is much unlike all others there - quite nice, really. Despite outward appearance (not that far off Sophita from Soul Blade, if afore-mentioned boy-thing is to be believed), Annabeth takes a keen interest in blowing up stuff in Team Fortress Classic. Unfortunately, she and THE WONDEROUS TIM are no longer together, so she is free to be someone else's INTERNET GIRLFRIEND. |
| Americans - if the forum has consensus of opinion on anything, (as rare as that occasion is), it is the stupidity of American and all Americans. Thus, the thread titles "Americans are dumb", "I hate the US", "Kill Bush, please" and "SUCK MY DICK AMERICA!!!111111!!!" are fairly common. Now, we don't paticularily mind "Yanks" on their own, but as a Unit and as a legion, the only collective of comparitive stupidity are chickens. Anyhow, Bobsy and avv accidentally managed to piss off "one of them" - like, you know! an American! - when we told him to "tone down" his awful gaphical signiture extolling the virtues of Ford TM cars. Then "he" got all his friends from the Maximum PC forum (password for entry: 'zealot') to come and troll us all for a week. Straight. Without break. What made the situation worse was that it was during one of K.Gillen's non-frequent holidays in "spain". Yeah - Spain!, and thus he was rendered unable to gag their ass. Luckily, however, it did give rise the NEW WORLD ORDER, and subsequently a period of pure goodness, which was quite uncommon. |
| Arab Strap - The Boy With The Arab Strap (or merely "Arab Strap" as he is shorted to here, or possibly "The Boy". Anything but TBWTAS. I digress.) is a semi-regular, and quite a good newbie as well. Combine a super-charged erotic sense of humour, style by the bucket load and a name stolen from a Belle and Sebastion album, and you have a fully-fledged husband-material local hero. Very few people know what an arab strap really is. Just let me say "Still quivering". |
| Are you ... (strokes beard) ...new? - AKA Bearding - once the standard greeting to the newbie masses who inevitably influxed us after the publish-ment of an issue of the magazine, this "phrase" was introduced by - actually, before I say this, please let it be known that I am only a person, and thus my memory, especially for things of genuine little importance is a little rough around the edges, so don't blame me if the name after is wrong, okay? - Kennyboy3. In fact, I know that's wrong. In fact, I have no idea. Send insults here. "Bearding", as it came to be known, was the most popular thing to do ever, ever - even beating swimming! Naturally, variations appeared almost immediately - Are you... (strokes moustache) ...new?, Are you... (strokes beard) ...gay? and the like. The poularity of the phrase, however, meant that it became criminally over-used by the middle regulars of the time (see Bobsy) desperate to hike up the respect-o-meter with the super l33t. Has enjoyed something of a second childhood recently, with "ironic" usage being quite literally infrequent. |
| Arf - Do you like laughing? Do you? Oh, brilliant! "Arf" allows web-users to express their inner hilarity without resorting the the criminally rubbish "lol". And it's better than "heh" as well, because that has a sort of implicit smugness. |
| Arguments - They say that charitable debate is the sound base of any healthy relationship. if this is true, the tulmultuous lives interlinked by the PCG forum are on super-steroids and have muscles the size of small countries. Roughly translated, this means that we argue. A lot. Most famously between Haymarket and Tim Ward. Entering an argument is inevitable - expressing an opinion means you will be challenged for being self-righteous (even, natch, if you are quite correct), failing to express an opinion will have you branded as a boring loser. The best way to argue against someone is to break down EVERY SINGLE SENTENCE of their post and argue why each individually is wrong. This leads to some hilariously dull threads. Haymarket? |
| Ashton, James - former editor of PC Gamer, now dearly departed into the ether of the mysterious, non-monthly published workplace. If anyone knows where he is, please staple him to a small piece of card and mail him back to Future Publishing, as we miss his boyish good looks in our introductory letters from the editor. |
| Atherton, Ross - Long-term writer with PC Gamer, and a stalwart of many Future in-jokes. For example: Ross is bald! Ross is very middle class! Ross is very rich! This triple-whammy of potential piss-taking means that we were once host to a host of "How much money do you think he has?", "How much hair has he got left?" and "Just how middle class is he?" threads. |
| Avatar, Red - [delphi profile] - Belgian Counterstrike-playing regular. Will apperenly "0wn" "j00" with the AK-47. Don't ask me what that is, I'm a poof. Runs the PCG fansite, with the all the brown nosing that entails: here. Red Avatar ran into trouble with the liberal moral masses that make up the majority of the regulars, on account of thinking that piracy laws don't apply to him, because he owns so many games. Not quite as bad as the guy who worked for the Game shop offering to copy any title we wish for a simple fiver, but - you know - still, eh? Still! Red Avatar writes very long posts. |
| avv - AKA _SHAG_ - [delphi profile] - I'm going to put "cheery Ste Curran-clone" on my CV. Right before I roll my CV into a ball, put it in Kieron's mouth and kick his face in. This will inevitably be the nicest entry in the enycloforum, because - natch! - avv stuffs these words into small envelopes and mails them to "the internet" - his role as author of the encyloforum is assured, because he is the most prolific post author on PCG of all time, racking up a fearsome 4,412 posts before it closed. Isn't talking in the third person po-mo? The forum's only very gay gay man, he reads EDGE and Digitiser (as well as the PCG), from which he takes his life lessons - he would, according to some, stop existing if either of those did. As well as inventing at least forty percent of in-jokes, avv is creasingly funny, attractive, intelligent, opinionated and camp - he commands the kind of respect that army guys only dream about. Was that self-loving enough? "Because I'm worth it". Parp! avv is not universally loved, however, and has significant enemies in the form of 4-D, Oblong, Gidget and Modge, who all oppose avv's terminally bitchy demeanour, sharp tongue and newbie-cussing ventures. Although, the only one of them who poses any sort of threat is Oblong (the rest tend to be whiny tag alongs, if you see). Of late, avv has taken to seducing members of the Future pay roll (in a round about way) and stalking people called Nick. Recorded significant victories in the YourLost awards, including (somewhat surreally), Most Attractive Male and, most importantly, (to him at least), best catchphrase for "your gay". See also quizes, YOUR GAY, encycloforum, EDGE, Digitiser, SCC. |
| Badness - the forum has seen countless periods of unmitigated badness, which can come in many forms: Americans, newbies, and the forum eating itself. Each of these challenges from Above must be met with good humour and a pair of double-stitched underpants. Did I mention how brilliant Ste is? |
| Barber, Floyd the - [delphi profile] - If being an Irish faux-revolutionary who covers his walls in transexual-ish pictures of Kurt Cobain ("not available for interview at present") was cool, then Floyd would be very cool indeed. A long-term regular, he semi-left to set up his own forum, You Must Be Lost, just before Christmas - driven out, to all intents and purposes - by the raging nEwBiE sKuMm which occupied our "territory" at the time. Varying degress of success later, and Floyd has his own completely fucked-up family in the form of Haymarket, Cerebus, Jess, Dark King and Modge. A genuine peace-keeper, Floyd avoids conflict and argument, and tends to diffuse situations by riding his gag train, much like SCC or Bobsy. Floyd invented bumming, which caught on very quickly, on account of how Gay we all are. Gay! |
| Barnowl, DR - [delphi profile] - I don't think it's actually physically possible to be more right than this man is. Everything he says makes is invariably pure goodness (even if most of it flys straight over your head with a "woosh" sound). Barnowl has even managed to get into someone else's signiture in a sickly fan-worship style. It was Biotech9, but don't let that put you off. In a spate of break-off forum creation, (during another notable period of utter, utter badness) Barnowl opened the Everything Is Wrong forum in which he and Owen and Tim Ward are nihilistic together, or at least discuss meme theory. |
| Baxtanya - One of only around five no-tails who ever managed to make names for themselves, Baxtanya gained notoriety at the time by being the elusive girl friend of forum overlord-come-talent machine journalist Kieron Gillen. She spent a lot of the time telling us how brilliant it was being Kieron's girlfriend, informing us about her "brilliant" (alledgedly) Viking-esque life philosophies and generally getting in the way. avv and Oblong chased these troubling name-dropping, uninteresting-thread-starting tendancies out of the poor woman (and probably bringing on an existensial crisis in the mean time). She and Gillen have now split up, which caused some behind-the-hand sniggering from the anti-establishment. |
| Beards - A long, long time ago, in a naeive and asexual time, people thought that Beards were funny - very, very funny. Specifically Future Publishing employees. This joke was pepetuated within the magazines that came fresh each month from Future's PC Gamer arse, and in turn the readers of this esteemed organ would giggle with mirth at the mere mention of the word. Thus, inevitably, the joke made the transition from Paper to Digits, and the forum was rife with hushed talk of facial hair. Then - with the brutal speed of a televised execution - the joke was dead. Not a titter. Not a giggle. It had been passed around the block so many times, it was starting to go a bit sloppy and cold inside. Popular use in "bearding" and the more advanced Visual Bearding meant that it was quickly adopted by Middle Regulars desperate to assert their position, or something, and quickly descended into ridicule. |
| BENTHEHARD - Hugely stupid man/woman who decided to "challenge" the whole forum to counter his/her arguments that there is significant historical correllation between the rise of women and the downfall of society. Line of argument was BENTHEHARD: "If women are so good, why didn't they do anything before 1920?" Us:"Because of patriarchy and male oppression" BENTHEHARD: "No-one's proved me wrong yet" Us: "We just did" BENTHEHARD: "No... er, no you haven't. Who's with me!?" (silence). Told us he was /actually/ a woman later, and was conducting a social experiment, but it was assumed to be a stupid wrong bad lie of the lowest order. |
| Best Of The Forum - The Best Of The Forum, in a "nutshell", was an attempt by K.Gillen to put a little bit of the forum "into" the magazine, with the highest quality posts of that month being reproduced for fame, glory and riches to it's author. Unfortunately, the decision to publicise "ker-ay-zee-fun" posts meant that every time an issue was published we were flooded by numerous sub-good surrealist attempts to tickle our funny "cocks". Splunkt. There was a small concession to intelligence, with a single post on prosumers from Tim Edwards being published, but it was very, very alone. In the most recent issue of PC Gamer, however, matters have been improved somewhat. Gone is the jerky, funk-splunkt style of yester issue, to be replaced with a running commentary highlighting the most important threads. A box-out description of a euphemism was suggested to be similar to one found here, with resultant "meanie!" cries from the illustrious Gillen. Although that might have been to do with the fact that avv also made reference to S. Campbell, furiously ex-Future employee. |
| Biotech9 - [delphi profile] - Hate is a strong word, and is often said to be close in emotion to love. This leaves me with no other choice than to tell you that all right-thinking people utteraly dispise Biotech9, because he's a twat. This has been repeatedly proven. No, really. Standing proudly next to MTZLZOMBIE in the PC fan-boy zealot hierarchy of fools, Biotech9 has has the dubious and well deserved honour of no less than two (or possibly more) threads devoted solely to saying what a complete branleur he is. Biotech9 is really only a part-time member of the forum, and only returns every once while to show all the other idiots how it's done, and impress the regulars with the consistantly produced craps that are his opinions. Do you see? |
| BM03 - [delphi profile] - Login name of Mark Kelly, a recent - and, natch, purely good - addition to our collective lives. First came to my attention through the Veej (RIP) forum, because he "does" a GameBoy-based web collective. Thus, as a strategically placed console kid, he provides a much needed alternative viewpoint from the hoards of PC fanboys that have nothing better to do than spout about how rubbish all consoles and Macs are. Now one of the founding management at State, a successful video-games based forum perpetuated by the excellent 8D. |
| Bob_Bobson - [delphi profile] - Bob_Bobson probably epitomises the definition of the middle regular: you remember their name, you know who they are, and yet for some reason you can't think of a single thing they've done. In fact, even though they've probably told you what they've done several times, it leaves your head almost immediately as images of someone more... interesting elbow their way in. So, where was I? Ah, Bobson. Arrived at roughly the same time as Bobsy - unfortunately, due to Bobsy's rapid rise to assumed brilliance, he went largely unnoticed. Still, he's stuck around, which shows commitment. If you confuse him with Big D, it's not a terrible crime. Bobson's only notable success has been the (admittedly) strange phenomonan of "Rolos", in which you offer one of said cylindrical chocolate nicities in order to console an upset / ugly / depressed-o-vision soul-mate. Rolo Cookies and Ste Currans are all acceptable variations on the theme, as is offering them on Bobson's behalf. |
| Bobsy - [delphi profile] - AKA /that/ newbie - Despite the fact that he is a relatively new addition to the "cream face" that is our community (9 months?! Pffrtt! Pathetic!), Bobsy is considered to be purely good Forum Elite - due mostly to his frequent creative contributions to our unimportant and "tiny" lives. Thus, his muscial and scrawled offerings have not gone unnoticed - indeed, anything of new that falls out of Bobsy's face is genreally lept upon with fevourous and misguided anticipation. His seminal Pratchett-esque Chubb! Chubb! sparked a multitude of copies, and his forthcoming "PCGF: The Musical" promises to be excitingly.. er, jaunty. Anyhow, some loveless losers seem to be looking forward to it more than Black and White has ever been - i.e. a lot. Other significant Bobsy "firsts" include some short story writing, the self-deprecating signiture (featuring h-h-hilarious derogatory comments from the forum lovies), RIPPing and the online award ceremony. No, really. Unfortunately, there are some terrible blemishes against B's reputation - most noticably ressurecting the horrendously awful Story Time thread and consistant and rubbish use of the "bearding" procedure. See also: Story Time, Chubb! Chubb!, The YourLost Awards and Are you ... (strokes beard) ...new? Control! Manipulate! Influence! REPEAT! |
| BOOMBOX - The fact that I can't possibly think of anything interesting to say about this guy will show to you that although his posting-habits means that he deserves a place in the encyloforum (about 500), means that he is the eternal middle regular. Not very interesting, but... true. |
| Bumming - The increase in the (ab)use of "Chat" functions, buried deep within the fetid bowels of the PCGF, as well as the dirty communcation between Forum Elite through such cYbERR-SeXXing programs as MSN Messenger and ICQ lead directly to the creation of "bumming", invented by angst-ridden Emily-fapper Floyd. 10% less subtle than *fap*, and 40% more Gay, the practise is merely to "bum" everyone in the room. Possibly influenced by that Playground Insults website. See Floyd, Gay, Your Gay. |
| Campbell, Stuart - [delphi profile] - Brilliant "maverick" freelance journalist who seems to have single-handedly alienated the entire games industry and it's supporting publications. Hurrah! Campbell worked for Future as a freelance at one point, but (due to... highly complicated legal matters) now, unfortunately, does not. The full extent of his financial wranglings with Future were entertainingly divulged in the legendary "Stuart Campbell & AP2" thread, made all the more fascinating by the bitchy remarks exchanged between then editor James Ashton and Campbell. Campbell holds a special place in many people's hearts for his work on Amiga Power (and, subsequently, AP2), PC Gamer, EDGE and his monthly column on Digitiser's Panel 4. His appearence on the forum must be greeted with joy and japes. |
| Castrator, The - "I'm so depressed!" "Radiohead are so brilliant!" As far as I can make out, this is all that Castrator ever says. Oh, dear. |
| Catchphrases - Catchphrases, really a subdivision of the all-conquering in-joke, are a fairly common occurence. Mostly specific to one person, they can spread like a dirty great big plague ("a gay plague") if they reach a zenith of popularity or if the perpetrator is clever, admired, excellent, modest etc. Examples include "Question!", "Drive, bitch!", "your gay" and "Do you see?" / "dys?". Most posts will include at least one catchphrase, because that's how gay we are. |
| Cerebus (Absentia) - see MADRASMAN. |
| Chat - the regulars irregularly take the opportunity to direct their paticular brand of apathy-come-vitriol into one of those hideous "real-time" environments. Most excellently, so do assorted staff from PC Gamer's cubby hole, leading to fascinating insights into the minds and bodies of the "pretencious" videogame journalist. The Saint was, in a way no-one else was, "into" chats. Chat is shunned by the eliti-est of the elite, on account of it rendering useless all their finely tuned debating skills, and the fact that the conversations are so irritatingly hard to follow. Thus, any transition of this style to the forum proper is immediately frowned upon by these types, and is quite literally not tolerated. Those few who occasionally take to producing chat-style threads suffer a torrent abuse not dissimilar to the kind of faux-violence seen on MTV's Celebrity Deathmatch. Although, actually I'm kidding. |
| Chimp, Mr - [delphi profile] - Oh, arse arse arse. Bobsy: pad, please! |
| Christians - Despite the fact that arguments occur more regularly than a Bran-eaters bowel movements, we all find common ground in our universal detest of Christians. If we don't oppose them in an atheistic, ideological way, we find it simple to despise them from the way their debatical skills are gained from the Ostrich Debating School Of Doesn't Sand Taste Nice, Especially Up Close? Do you see? Having an argument with a Christian is like trying to reason with a three year old holding their hands over their ears and yelling "Jesus loves me" at the top of their voice. In fact, replace the three year old with a middle-aged, narrow-minded Bible-bigot and you'll have exactly what happened in September 2000. See KOPJ, KOPJ_KEN and Religion |
| Christophe - [delphi profile] - a joy to behold, an object of pure goodness, a belgian freak - Christophe is ostensibly all and none of these things, together at the same time. Allegedly famed for his nEwBiE SkUmM intolerance, Christophe has carved out a niche as being a kind of omnipresent non-entity, in so far as that everyone knows who he is, and yet none could pinpoint his defining characteristics - what does it truly mean to be Christophe? Maybe we'll never know. A quality line in back-biting and debation has ensured his forum popularity and immortalisation here: NOW. No longer a regular contributor, but still bums around the internet SOMEWHERE. |
| Chubb! Chubb! - single-handedly the most popular creative work ever produced from the collective loins of the forum, Chubb! Chubb! holds a place in peoples hearts (ostensibly called Jan) unlike any other, mainly because it captured the forum's Zeitgeist in late-ish 2000 - a sort of post-millenium come-down pill, if you will. The title originally came from a quote in Mr Chimp's signiture (origin: construction company) taken up by Bobsy, the piece's author. The work dealt dramatised the constant battle against the nEwBiE sKuMm, with appropriate translation of bearding (sort of... electric), the war against KOPJ and euphemisms (a creature for riding, if Bobsy is to be believed. Still, at least it paved way for plenty of cheap "mounting a euphemism" gags. Arf). Unfortunately, the effect of the production of Chubb! Chubb! was the inevitable metaphorical cock-sucking that immediately followed: Bobsy, put me in - I can be a corporal! Bobsy, that's so brilliant! Bobsy, I've noticed you've completely cribbed your style from a range of authors! Was that just me? Beyond this was the crushingly unsubtle "follow ups" from some fan-like authors. They were probably all quite good, but the sheer wealth of writings meant that the majority of right thinking people just couldn't be arsed to read them, on account of them all being so disgustingly derivitive. People judged that Arvind's was probably the best, but this is really only a foot-note to Bobsy's way-paving. |
| Cock, why don't you suck his - proving that we are all the epitomy of intelligence and the antithesis of puerile, Floyd's dirty catchphrase soon had common usage. However, it was frowned upon by the more delicate of flowers. |
| Col. Cobb - [delphi profile] - Classical forum elite, architecture student Cobb is both clever and funny - can you believe some people's luck? His posts are sporadic at time, but never less than entertaining and considered - the sort of intelligence that comes only from spending a very long time living at the top of a tower in Sheffield. Cobb hasn't gone without "spats" with other forum regulars, which is why his previous entries in this very location (if that's metaphysically correct) were a little scathing. Has a special bond with Owen after they read each other's dissertations. Contributes in no small way to the Cassandra project, meaning he is well within his legal rights to be unbelievably pretentious and/or arrogant without warning. |
| Consoles - like coffee to TV, like cats to dogs, like Frankenstien to Dracula, like hats to socks (and so on), it seems improbable - nay, impossible! - that anyone, anywhere, ever will ever reach a conclusion to which is superior. Any thread which evangalises the brilliance of consoles will effortlessly reach 300 or more posts as the fan-boy zealots crawl out of their customised-casing ("look at the speed stripe!") to snipe at the good people defending their right to ignore upgrades. In truth, each system has it's own unique goodnesses and badnesses, so neither is better or worse - but, oh-a-man, do we have some fun getting there. Extended electrical-items-as-children metaphors and multiple post arguments about simplicity, excitment and "graphics" will mean that falling asleep is a very real option. avv discovered this to his peril in a series of threads that cussed up PCs real bad, reaching it's logical conclusion in which he blamed his dislike of PCs on PC owners themselves. That wasn't a very nice thing to do, see? In conclusion, PCs and consoles are two halves of the same apple - if you only eat one, you're not getting the full gob-shite. Or something. Anyhow, K. Gillen is reportedly extremely pleased with his Dreamcast, so there's no reason why Biotech9 shouldn't be. See avv, Biotech9, CONSOLEKILLER1, MTZLZOMBIE |
| Consoles versus PCs - The forum has a history of inspiring beautiful creativity amongst it's visitors - as well as the obvious bitchiness and back-stabbing any stable community is built upon - and no example is more heart-attack inducingly hilarious as Stone Cold Crazy's Consoles versus PCs, the greatest sitcom parody of all time. No, really. Starring Stone, Owen and Alex (real-world name of avv), it tracked their hilarious family adventures, sexual exploits and famous special guest friends, culminating in the greatest finale of all time. A little cared-about fact is that the first CvP (as it would later be shortened to) was actually spelt Confolese vf PCs - A comedie of errorfs. Why? Who knows? Maybe someone had switched all the buttons around on Stone's keyboard. Visit them here: Episode 1, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4, Episode 5, Episode 6, Episode 7, Episode 8, Episode 9, Episode 10. |
| CONSOLEKILLER1 - Improbably the most terminally unintelligent forum poster, his sporadic returns seem to mark a slow decline into mental negative-health, as the quality and style of posts falls to merely exclamation marks and insults. If you couldn't guess, CK devotes his life to "destroying" consoles and all of their kind, as well as spending an unhealthy (and large) part of his life tossing off into his latest 3D card. Allegedly. As a native Greek type, his "English Proficiency Certificate" apparently gives him absolute mastery of the English language beyond all native speakers. See MTZLZOMBIE (his non-ironic ally), Consoles |
| CounterStrike - You might, if, say, your brains had accidently slopped out of your face in a Mars Attacks-based incident, accidently think that there is a member of the PCG team called "Counter Strike", such is the regularity with which it is featured in the magazine. And, by Christ, does Mr. Strike get about a bit - interviews with his creator, level-designering contests and guides, online league coverage and pictures of Trevor Witt with an AK47 somewhere not even his mother would go. Or maybe she would - it is the west country, after all. Anyhow, this superior Half Life modification is enjoyed with regular dosage by a not inconsiderable number of regulars: see this! Stone Cold Crazy, Red Avatar, RoyW5, Owen. |
| Crazy, Stone Cold - [delphi profile] - [scc: the extended entry] - It will "come" as no surprise to you find that Stone Cold Crazy (or SCC, anal typing-time-saving friends!) was recently voted the most gooderest person EVER in the YourLost awards, with victory in the nail-biting knockout bestiest tournament and a sweeping victory in many of the other catagories. This is because SCC is loved without exception - I cannot think of a single person who isn't tickled pink at the prospect of reading one of his posts, who doesn't dribble in joy at the thought of his *fap* or who doesn't cream their starched shorts at the sound of his dulcet Surrey intones. Intelligent, fucking hilarious and insightful, on top of the fact that he can accurately reproduce the best bits of any Chris Morris work on demand, SCC represents the pinnicle of modern man - and I for one would be more than happy to be his bride. Unfortunately, that post has been already applied for by erstwhile beauty Kaminskaite, the politically aware science lovely that she is, natch. Stone is most famous for his ingenius methods of finding new ways to entertain - many of which are so "important" (relatively, of course - not on a world scale or anything) that they deserve their own entry. Thus, his epic sitcom (a whole series, no less) Consoles vs PC and his week-long stint as Yoda have become legendary. His Sims characters based on forum regulars and many short stories are equally joyful, however. SCC has special relationships with many of the forum regulars, as well as Future staff (he prides himself on his growing collection of personal emails...) See: avv, Owen, Kate Little, Keiron Gillen, Matthew Pierce. |
| Cuss - a "cuss", according to my mental dictionary, is an insult - oh, that street slang! Usually part of the wider phrase "I cuss you bad", or (if you're feeling fruity) "I cuss you up real bad" and (for the genuine Daphne and Celeste level subversive) "I cuss your mom up real baaaad". Cuss comes originally from legendary Teletext games 'zine Digitiser, from which avv steals all his gags. Truth to my nigger, power. Do you see? |
| Cyber Rattus - Cyber Rat, or Rattus as he later became, is unlike others - he have wife! His appearences on the forum are sporadic at best, as he jets all over the world to, you know, hold guns, walk a bit and salute whilst wearing a gay beret thing. Or whatever it is they do in the army nowadays. I'm sure it's the height of integrity. Cyber Rat has spent much of his time living in Germany, which goes some way to account for his slightly... screwed vision of the world. Parp on by! |
| D, Big - [delphi profile] - This entry is legally required to gush forth praise for the European standard on Goodness that is Big D like no-one (except possibly O-Town) has gushed before. It's a birthday present, see? D's login name is BOB_DINGER: however, seeing as we place hoste to roughly forty other people with a BOB-varient name, Big D decided to differentiate himself by changing his identitties. If I was feeling cruel, I would tell you that he is of a particularly group of people that rank "average" for the majority of attributes - but, hey - that's what middle regulars are like, man. |
| Daikatana - Upon this game's release, it seemed almost that no-one had ever released such a disappointing pile of derivative, badly conceived dribble in the history of forever - hey, perhaps they hadn't! Thus, thread after thread after fucking thread consisting (if we're lucky) of the words "I think Daikatana was shit, what do you think?", as though it wasn't fucking obvious enough already, spewed forth from the gluttunous bile-drench mouths of nEwBiE sKuMm wanting a quick respect-o-cash-in on rubbish observational comedy. And, despite all this villanous rubbish, a Daikatana quote was practically guaranteed to make the BOTF every blahdy month. What's that about, then, eh? C'uh. |
| Danny G. - an old timer, frequents "lost" and others. Is a self-confessed plagiarist. Interests in film, "the arts", books and the like have made him... oh, fuck it. Who cares if he's clever? May or may not be a consumate ladies man after hilarious booty-call escapades via the magic of www.thesparkmatch.com (for clarity, G. has informed me that, catagorically, this was a one off. Shit shame, eh?). First Lord of HTML in Timism and started the We Love Owen Forum. |
| Daveybeard - see Visible Choirboy |
| Delphi - Once upon a time, some of Future's forums were hosted by Delphi.com. Some of them were hosted on Future's Usenet server. Why? Because they hated us. Whilst usenet is undeniably the Ultimate Crappers, Delphi really isn't that much better. However, to facilitate chats and messages, it is quite literally a necessary evil. Admittedly, an evil which supresses freedom of speech, supports the extreme Christian right wing and generally wees all over our faces, but not even in a semi-erotic golden shower manner. Thus, see plenty of "fucking Delphi" threads. Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end - and, equally, so must all bad things. It's equilibrium, man. Thus, the forum at Delphi shut it's doors in May 2001, and all Future forums were moved to www.futureforums.co.uk, which uses the UBB (Ultimate Bulletin Board) system. I have not the words. |
| Deus Ex - superior first-person-shooting / RPG crossover genre-bender game, which occupied the utmost thoughts of our collective minds for at least four-and-a-half seconds. Unfortunately, the slightly hackneyed plot and setting ruined an otherwise perfect slice of gaming pie. Even worse, the game had two awful side effects: #1 Keiron Gillen's "REWIND" review, and #2 "How do you pronouse Deus EX?" and "Is this the same as Deus Ex Machina?" and "Which ending did you like best?" and "Christ, I wish I was Jc Denton. Or whatever". Do you see? Fascinating fact: JC Denton was voiced by an actor from Sunday-morning television staple California Dreams. |
| Digitiser - superior to the point of creaming your little shorts, Digitiser is a brilliant, sardonic and generally disrespectful daily breakdown of the video game industry, plus: what's even better is the fact that it's free and on Teletext. Thus, you don't even have to shift your hugely enormous arse to read it. Unless you're lying face down in a pool of your own sick / blood / faeces / urine (delete as appropriate, drug-addict fans!). Reviews, sarcastic comments, phoning pranks and a cult inbred community - does life get much better? Run entirely by self-made legend Mr Biffo (aka Paul Rose) with irregular contributions from EDGE editor Tony Mott, Stuart Campbell and Violet "Violence" Berlin. Shamefully, a large percentage of our in jokes are taken from Digi, via the shameless portal that is avv. One member even gets irregularly printed on the Letters page - ha! It's Visible Choirboy, or whatever he's calling himself nowadays. avv got printed twice, but is too lazy to be a true Digi-regular. Although he did have a letter screened this morning, which was very exciting for him. |
| Dildos - any Storytime thread will always, always features dildos. "Yeah", "I" "know". And who do we have to blame for this terrible crime against words? Tim Ward, surprisingly. It's probably subversive irony demonstrating the futility of attempts to create any kind of relevent of compelling narrative through the fragmented and confused StoryTimes. |
| DISKOBOX - (deceased) - DISKOBOX no longer lightens our life with his Beck-loving antics. Why? Who knows - maybe he got buried underneath an apathetic pile of rubbish threads. Maybe he was trampled by some stampeding nEwBiE sKuMm. In the end, however, it doesn't really make much of a difference. He wasn't that popular. Having said this, he will probably choose the time of the publication of this encyloforum to make his re-entry, and cuss me all over the shop. Tarts and farts! Ironically, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. |
| DNA - As well as being the life-glue, or something, that allows us all to exist and attend this forum, DNA is also a "Nite Klub" (or, even worse, a "Nite Spot") in Birmingham. Why is this important? Why, naturally, it's where the recent Retro-Goodness event took place, in which classic Videogame stars like Jeff Minter and, er, Tony Crowther did light shows and DJing. Yeah! Anyhow, it's actual importance was due to the fact that Ste, journo-extra, met Tim Edwards, journo-lite, and Annabeth, said journo-lite's "bint", there. Annabeth is, reportedly, "very cute". I may be spurting brain-farts, but I believe that Stu P was also present, but he is more of a "RAWK" type. |
| Dreamcast - superior console from Sega - man, to be this good takes ageS! Do you see? The best hit-miss ratio of any machine across all platforms over the history of forever (except possibly some Game and Watch, but did they have Jet Set Radio? Did they fuck.) makes Dreamcast officially the shiniest console ever to drop into the public's laps. Unfortunately, consumer apathy and the worst marketing mistakes in the history of marketing mess-ups ("No, honestly! The best way to reach our market is through Arsenal...!") meant that the Dreamcast dropped off the production cycle sooner than it should have (i.e. 4 years too early), but played host to such classics as Jet Set Radio, Shenmue, Soul Calibur, Dead Or Alive 2, Phantasy Star Online, Virtua Tennis, Bangai-O and loads of others I can't even be bothered to think of at the moment. Anyhow, they're all good, it's great, but it still failed. Ste and avv are thought-aligned on the Dreamcast to the point where they finish off each other's posts. |
| Drive, bitch! - catchphrase championed by Danny G. (it's inventor, and who's intellectualy copyright it remains) and Stone Cold Crazy, for it's brilliant Westwood styles. Immortalised in CvP and Danny's sig, if only for a short while. The catchphrase does serve one purpose: anyone wishing to make a sharp exit from a thread which a) they hate or b) they are losing an argument in can avoid having to answer to other's demands by producing the "Drive, Bitch!" trump card from 'neath their flowing robes. |
| Dys? - officially the second-most popular catchphrase (after "your gay", for some reason), "Dys?" stands for "Do you see?" If you have just defeated your debatical opponent with razor-sharp wit and brilliant logic, it's only customery to patronise them afterwards - where's the fun, otherwise? "Invented" (taken, naturally) by avv from Digitiser's letters page, this phrase has permeated all areas of the forum. Anybody who dares to ask what it stands for is immediately excommunicated. Do you see? Arf. |
| Edwards, Tim - AKA POPSIMAX, Tim E., POPSI - [delphi profile] - Intelligent, kind, non-cliquey genuine video-game lover, (adjective-me-do) Tim Edwards is a superior breed of regular, on account of his universal respect-o-meter popping it's face off the charts and some of the greatest signitures of all time (the Delta Airways peanuts one actually managing to split the forum's loyalties in a "should it stay or should it go" manner). Tim mostly keeps out of the relentless love-ins that occupy other's time - obviously he's far too cool, and that - and an appearence in a chat by Tim is sure-rely a gift bestowed lovingly. Unfortunately, due to the high concentration of Tims in other areas of the forum (Tim "Dunguard", Tim Ward, some others no doubt), Tim must be lumbered with either the nickname Popsi (shortened from his login name "POPSIMAX", itself a derivative spelling bastard of Pepsi Max, the low-on-sugar, low-on-taste, high-on-people-who-say-knarly soft drink) or the drugish-suggestive Tim "E". Tim contributes mostly to videogames as art threads, except to mention how very alcohol dependant he is. |
| EDGE - [website] - the only decent multiformat magazine left in Britain (or possibly the world, considering the sort of magazine out-put we see in America. Perhaps that famous Japanese one is still alright), EDGE is an extremely well written, slightly pretencious industry-bent magazine, with concentration on design and concept over the EXCLUSIVE and WIN NAKED XXXXX LARA PIX approach favoured by lame rival CVG. Whilst it's readership is not huge, it's the quality of those readers that counts, and EDGE attracts more than a few fans from within the festering guts and gleaming peaks of the videogame industry itself. Not the evil side, however, that cynically pumps out substandard software to drugged-off bladder boys, but the considerate and intelligent side. Well, Peter Molyneux at any rate. Ste Curran is the only EDGE writer to grace the PCGF (on account of his bed-swapping magazine-crossover work and alleged rat-like features), and o-a-man, does he do that well. |
| Empeekay - AKA MPK - Edinburgh-dwelling forum-type who's "quick-fire" quips earnt him a place in our hearts. NO, REALLY. Unfortunately, MPK refuses to reveal the whereabouts of the mounds SKAG and the HORSE that we know lie somewhere beneath Scotland, but I have a feeling we're wearing him down. Contributes to State. |
| Encycloforum - is that too much? The encycloforum (version 5.0), written by avv, with comments from Bobsy, was originally a present from avv to the rest of the forum when he once tried to leave for greener pastures. This was almost seven months ago. He was going to go to alt.digitiser, until he realised that alt.digitiser.skankuss is a more accurate description. Lots of "in-jokes" are taken from there anyhow, only because we're too cool and postmodern to think them up anyway. In fact, the entire concept for this is stolen from the EncycloDigi. Arf? |
| E.O.N. - At the height of the newbie "problem", two organisations were set up to deal with the flood of pond-scum: E.O.N. and F.O.N. The acronymically disadvantaged will now doubt need the extended versions: Enemies and Friend Of Newbies, respectively (d'uh!). E.O.N., set up by arch anti-Newbie and forum demi-God Kennyboy3, was incepted to discourage newbies from even thinking about posting new threads, or making a comment above their station. Friends Of Newbies, contrarely, took it upon itself to welcome and educate them. Pfffrt! What a waste of time. |
| Euphemisms - despite the fact that we've probably got the definition so very very wrong, we still whore the word euphemism around like a cheap slut. The practise of "euphemisms" involves selecting a word or phrase at random from a person's post, and in a wicked attempt to undermine their authority, and asking whether it is a euphemism - for something sexual, naturally. Reached it's zenith with "Is 'euphemism' a euphemism?", at which point it's inventor, the erstwhile genius Stone Cold Crazy, slit his own throat. Possibly. |
| Everything Is Wrong - This sweeping, if accurate, generalisation was the launch title of K. Gillen's randomly published games-industry-cussing "column" (see above, natch) on video g-gaming web-facet "Daily Radar UK". It also served as the title of the thinking man's anti-establishment forum set up by brain-off Dr Barnowl. Unfortunately, "everythingiswrong" exceeds the word limit for Delphi's forums, so Barnowl had to settle for the synonym "allisincorrect". Oh, man! |
| Fap - Crushingly, this catchphrase's true meaning escaped before it was allowed to come to fruition, ruining any hopes of it becoming a legend. Championed by avv and Stone Cold Crazy, the only two to use it knowingly at first, it soon caught on (for some reason) in the PCG Counterstrike server, and literally a dozen players would exchange conversations of pure *fap*. Some even went as far as to bind it to a hotkey, thus it was only a button press away. The correct use of fap is it's repetition between asterisks WITHOUT capitals: *fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap*. And what's that? You want to know what it means? It's... (spot the tnesion increasing dots, punctuation fans!) ...a wank sound. Sigh. It was originally taken from manga-sex website www.thehline.com, a URL put on PCGF by Goozbrii. |
| FAT1 - The female Christian (shudder) force behind the major criticists of Jim McCauley's infamous anti-religion Packed Lunch. As you can imagine, she was ripped apart like hyenas to a little baby by the forum's oppressive atheistic presence. We'd feel guilty but, you know, she kind of brought it upon herself. Didn't she? |
| Final Fantasy - Few games manage to stir up so much anger and hate as this. Except, naturally, the Mortal Kombat series. Those in The Know will tell you that Final Fantasy is to be dispised: a hackneyed, unispiring plot, incredibly un-interactive rendered backdrops and linear gameplay, limited exploration, boring battles and "RPG-lite" statistics. How much of the Final Fantasy series is actualy gameplay? How much is reading hundreds of lines of badly-written dialogue and watching the scripted action unfold whilst you press "up" or, if you're lucky, "down"? Go and play Bangai-O. Do you see? |
| Flash - Whilst it may not have the same legal implications as it's real-world crime equivalent, Flashing (the flagrent and blatent use of multimedia tool Flash) is looked upon severely harshly in the forum - it is, by proxy, even worse than images on account of it taking even longer to download. The main culprits of using Flash in their signitures are the PC Format Forum, who presumably view Flash-me-do ability as a replacement for being attractive / intelligent / cool, or something. The irony being, however, that Flash signitures are 93% likely to be garishly ugly and completely out of keeping with the forum design. I cuss that. |
| F.O.N. - In his pre-wangst enthusiasm-to-orgasm persona, which lasted roughly fourteen days, Haymarket Martyr was guilty of setting up pro-newbie inviting organisation F.O.N. - Friends Of Newbies - designed to educate the newcomers and streamline their acceptance into our forum. However, the organisation lost sight of it's grand designs when it became bogged down in needless beaurocracy and paperwork caused by legal wranglings with it's arch rival, E.O.N. Cue a thread consisting of politely aggressive letters between Haymarket and Kennyboy3. |
| Footnote - Whilst we cannot pretend to have invented footnotes, we can certainly claim to have made them the greatest post-modifier of all time: at one point, it was mandatory to put the body of content of your post below your signiture in a series of increasingly more ridiculously-lengthed footnotes. The zenith of this practise is to have either a) a footnote explaining a footnote or b) a footnote within a footnote. I'm not quite sure how you would acheive that, actually. Taz, sir! Footnotes were given to us as a gift of writtens by Kieron Gillen, and there's not a day we don't send him anal-rape emails to thank him. |
| Frankenchrist - If anything typifies the time of American badness, it's Frankenchrist. Loud, brash, unintelligent, irony-less, humour-free, twatty and really, really "gay", Frankenchrist came along to debate in the most uninformed way possible and to Troll us with his l33t HTML skills (which basically involved him posting screen grabs of his own desktop at one billion resolution, or something) and posting giant images of Jesus Christ in a tank. Funny. The. First. Time. Naturally, we weren't best pleased at his efforts, especially considering the fact that uber-moderator K. Gillen was away in Spain at the time, thus rendered unable to ban his ass off: cue a week of the purest crap. And to think all of this came about over our hate of graphical signitures. Yes! |
| Future Publishing - the Bath-based publishing house responsible for PC Gamer, PC Format, Veej (RIP), EDGE and numerous others, but, natch, none of those are any good. Especially Gamesmaster, which represents a purity of crap that is normally only acheived by Playstation Power and CVG. Really, that bad. Future's legacy for in-jokes and general silliness runs back to the greatness of Amiga Power and Your Sinclair ("What, my Sinclair?") Future Publishing subscriptions department are also rubbish, seemingly run by the most unhelpful and inept staff of all time. How difficult can it be to return invoices? How difficult to change an address? Impossible, it would seem. Apply for a subscription in December and you're lucky if you receive your first issue in March. No, really. |
| Games, PC - WHITE BREAD WORLD. Nobody in the forum, I believe, plays games for fun. They play games like Baldurs Gate (beard!) and Championship Manager (beard and glasses!), which are more an Intense Test Of Patience, rather than a fun experience. This is probably why they are also PC gamers, and enjoy building, re-building, upgrading and re-booting and the like. One imagines that even when they finally reach the fore-front of the technological revolution, there will still be a considerable amount of "tinkering" left to do. Anyhow, games are not discussed quite as much as the PCG "krew" would like, but they still get a decent airing when Important Events occur, such as the release Black and White. Hackneyed topics such as "What's The Best Game Ever?" and "Who's The Best Looking Girl In Games?" are duly ignored, and their owners taken outside and shot. |
| Gay - it will surprise nobody to learn that most of our brink-fucked conversations revolve directly around the word "gay", the concept "gay" and the insult "your gay". Such is the forum's preoccupation with homosexuality, several of our cider-swilling, hip swaggering heterosexual stalwarts admit self-abuse tendancies in the form of a secret desire to be that way inclined, such is the immediate kudos of being A Gay. Parpen! |
| Ghandi - whilst M.Ghandi undoubtedly has had an impact on all of our lives, it would be arrogant of me to assume that he is visiting our little forum FROM BEYOND - mostly because it's not true. Ghandi is a London-dwelling spiritualist, very big on "ZEN" and "YOGA", presumably so that he can acheive one-ness through sucking his own cock. Parp! |
| Gillen, Kieron - [delphi profile] - intelligent, pretentious, talented and fair. Kieron is all of these things, and good CHRIST he pissing knows it. As "Reviews Editor" of PC Gamer, the "organ" that brought us all together (that together with my LOVE MUSCLE), he has seen fit to make us all bleed happiness through a glove with his self-titled benevolent dictatorship; comprising "stupid people out, good people in". Unfortunately, Kieron has worrying tendencies towards wanting to protect the little, stupid people, and he mucho-machino opposes the newbie-bashing that characterises the forum in reputation, in not entirely in practise. Still, if we can train him out of these vicar-like moods, we might just have the sort of dictatorship we can ALL enjoy. All except Jews, but they've always got a bee in the bonnet about something, haven't they? (for the benefit of the FBI, this is a joke). Interesting KG fact #1: he threatened to "ban" avv if he wrote KG a nasty email mocking him for splitting up with his manic depressive girlfriend, BAXTANYA. |
| Gidget - I had initially promised myself - "PROMISE - THERE'S A LAUGH!" - that overly-laboured references to the goings on at Lost would not be recorded in detail, if at all. However, because I reserve the right to retract any promise, public or personal, I hearby make space for Gidget, or "Gidge", as she has come to be known in our heart. There is very little love lost between the majority of the forum community and Gidget, so I shall get straight to the point: she is a manipulative man-eating BITCH. Despite the fact that she is boring and painfully humourless, managed to ensnare the hearts of previously resolute anti-romantics Haymarket Martyr and Modge. Unfortunately, living, as she does, in Hawaii, there is very little chance of either of these three "Getting Jiggy" with "Miss Biggy". Dys? Unfortunately, for them at least, Modge and Haymarket Martyr decided, in their confused states, to declare that Gidget had "special protection", and that no-one was aloud to "attack" or "insult" her, or they would have to answer to "US". Well, quite. Anyhow, the foolishness of this move and the resulting break-down in forum relations of Lost, (which resulted in several members LEAVING FOREVER, YOU BASTARDS, only to return a few weeks later, tail b'ween legs) was quite literally crap. Still, why bother raking over the past with nails? Oh, it's fun! Since I wrote this entry, which was bile-inducingly pleasing, Gidget has calmed down a lot, and has started to *even* direct her idiocy in a positive manner towards MDG. Her relationship with Haymarket has deepened to the point where they will marry in December when she flies out here. NO, REALLY. |
| GLAMIS - [delphi profile] - Who is Glamis? Surprisingly perceptive and aggressive girl gamer? The sort of person who can grab a male-dominated internet community by their collective balls and shake them until they spray the white wee-wee love juice of social revolution up the walls? Is she fuck. She's a fifteen year old school boy with a superiority complex called Judderman. Fuck that. Still, some of us were fooled for a bit. |
| Good Thing, A - one of Future Publishing's oldest in jokes, although not so much an in-joke asmuch just a phrase. A collection of three words in a certain order. Use is frequent and plentiful, for example: "avv is producing another edition of the superlative Encyloforum, which is A Good Thing." Ahem. Arf? |
| Goon... hired goon - the infamous (by which I mean that no-one has heard of / remembers him) inventor of "Bearding", which has been wrongly accredited to just about everybody except him, Goon was probably better known as "SHADOWIX". He left quietly, with a gradually decreasing presence until he disappeared completely, which is probably why no-one remembers who he is. Still, he was good in his day, and even bearded a youthful Bobsy out of his "ways". I think I am right in saying that he is still around sometimes, but not in any real way. |
| Goozbrii - [delphi profile] - Goozbrii's messages are certifiably the most annoying to read in the whole forum. Ignoring other's habitual use of paragraphs ("too stuffy!"), Goozbrii favours a random-line-length approach, meaning his posts will either read like a very pretencious poem or Will Smith lyrics. Attempts to berate him out of this habit have so far proved unfruitful, and many debates with him will give way to: You: "write in paragraphs"; Him: "no", etc. This gets quite tiring after a while, love. |
| Greg - one of the oldest members of the forum, who unfortunately has gone largely unnoticed by much of the forum community. I am actually not even sure who he is myself. I have a suspicion that he might be "MRNOB", but then again, he might not be. This entry is now frozen, pending further enquiry. |
| HAIKU_WHORE - [delphi profile] - brilliant, subversive troll who faultlessly insulted anyone who approached with an exactly-syllabled short poem. Another "product" from the mother of all multi-account personas UGLY_HO. I don't think anyone wouldn't like to have his children. Except possibly those who already have children, and hate them. |
| HULL_FIRE - [delphi profile] - "fiercely" intelligent scamp from Hull, of all places. Is detestably well-informed, and also reads EDGE. Left quietly, presumably because he couldn't get "into" the love-ins as much as any one else. Several of the forum members still "hold a torch" for him, and kind of wish he'd come and get it back, because their arms are getting tired. Bwahaha. |
| Hur Hur Hur - Do you like to laugh? Good! However, unless you're a spy-faced CIA man listening into our lives via our computer microphones, it's hard to actually hear people via the internet. This is where "Hur Hur Hur" comes in. Unfortunately, being, as it was, introduced by love-to-hate-ya troll face KINGWALRUS, it was less than popular, and only used in a semi-ironic way. Even worse that "LOL", I think, and that is fucking bad. |
| Images - this is not the entry for random picturing. Mmm? This is, in fact, dedicated to people, particularily Americans, who feel the need to embellish their posts or their signitures with pictures of rubbish. This practise has since been outlawed (above small, attractive images) by the NEW WORLD ORDER. The most irritating manifestation of this practise is to search the internet for an image of an attractive woman (mostly in manga or "fantasy" styles), and then scrawl your user name ineptly across the top. I'm GLARING as I type this. |
| Imposters - the only way you can tell that you have transcended "normal" user status to "forum legend" is if you have had an imposter - someone has gone to the effort of creating a whole seperate account JUST TO PISS YOU OFF. That, my friends, is truly flattering. Step forward ST0NECC, _SHAQ_, _SLAG_, _SHAG, BOBSIOSITY, BOBSYZ... and many, many more. Some are fairly insulting to the intelligence - did anyone really believe that people would fall for the username I_AM_AVV? Oh, Christ. Some people are such saps. avv unwittingly fell for Stone Cold Crazy (ST0NECC) when it was created during an invasion of Americans, and made only explicit homosexual references. In my defence, I thought it was actually really, really funny. But I'm "that way inclined". |
| In-jokes - In-jokes are the life-blood of the forums, and without them we'd all fall out. Many an argument has been settled with a tongue-in-cheek cry of "Oingy Boingy!" or "Why don't you just suck his cock?". Most of the in-jokes listed came from avv. There's a very good reason for that. He's better than you. Current in-jokes include: Arf, *fap*, Euphemisms, Oingy Boingy, dys?, your gay, or something, quotation marks, Stewart Campbell. See also: Catchphrases |
| Jaldo Dron - [delphi profile] - diminutive middle regular, who fancies himself a little bit. Jaldo is often frustrated that he does not recieve enough recognition for his contributions, leading to an emotional outburst in the middle of "Review an Oldie" that everybody ignores him. Well, we remembered him for that, anyhow. Jaldo is sometimes unnervingly honest in his discussion, and likes to take time to reveal to you his... alternative self-pleasuring practises. Cucumber! He also draws pictures and writes words, although sadly he isn't very good at either. Stop! Carry on... |
| James H - [delphi profile] - although I'd much prefer to call him "JHCOOL", that would be a little too cruel. Anyhow, put simply, James H is the most emotionally volatile person I have ever met, and throws a stupid amount of temper tantrums. Even for a thirteen year old. (which, I hasten to add, is something he never stops mentioning.. I think he wants us to say "Really?! Only 13!? But you're so immature!" or something). Some people have come to his defence over the previous sentence, but, you know, why? |
| Jess - [delphi profile] - Jess is unique amongst right-thinking people in that she fell in love over the internet with erstwhile "man o' the sea", Ceberus Abenstia, which makes me feel a little bit pink-ish, and sort of sweet. Jess is, in fact, a purely good character - she has silly obesessions with Terry Pratchett, but - hey, dirty! - we all have our faults. Surprisingly, Jess and Ceb are now engaged to be married, which is the sort of surprise that you don't want if, say, you were secretly in love with either of them. I don't know why I just said that, because it kind of hinted that I was in love with Ceb. I'm not. |
| Jez - [delphi profile] - Benevolent father-figure of the forum, and - to my knowledge - the only one who actually has any children. Although I suspect that Thrawn might have a couple "unwanted" ones buried in his garden. A Milton Keynes-based policeman who has allegedly seen the ugly side of 40 years old, Jez spends his time at work surfing the internet and pretending to do work, although he is soon going to give up pretending to do work and concentrate on spending time at home surfing the internet. Or a "house husband" as he calls it. Jen, Jez's better half (spit, spit), is the bread earner, you see, and Jez is appropriately modern-man-ish. We all love him. He got in a bit of a "tither" about the new forum being rubbish, and was paranoid that KG was attempting to overthrow the facist forum dictatorship run by the oldies by supressing our attempts to tame the idiots. Jez, dispite the fact that he belongs to the PIGS, is something of a proto-liberal-anarchist. Which is nice. |
| Judderman, The - [delphi profile] - intensely boring school child. Judderman is the now-defunct account used by 4-D, who has the marvellous habit of creating a new account everytime we start to hate the old one, in the surreal hope that we might like him a bit more. Judder, or just 'J' is the classic idiot, terminally under-appreciated, with little to no imagination. He's also very middle class, attending an all-boys grammar school and living "in the second strongest Tory strong-hold in Britain", which explains why he thinks he's the most intelligent person he's ever met. Wears rubbish clothes and is indifferent in his pursuit of "girls", depending on how he is feeling, or whether he can be bothered. |
| Kaminskaite - Kaminskaite, irregular forum contributor of Polish descent (real name Louise), who earned herself special fame for her hyped-up super-skilly knowledge of anarchism, 'graphic novels' (i.e. comics) and "WHAT WOMEN WANT". Kamins is, by all accounts, a beautiful lady, and she did-the-dates with Stone Cold Crazy for quite some time. Shared Bladder's Gate gags with Bobsy. |
| Kennyboy3 - [delphi profile] - WAS MAD - NOW DEAD. Kennyboy3 is the distant star we must all run towards. Despite the fact that a) when he was around he didn't post that much and b) what he did post wasn't that good, he is what many see as the "ULTIMATE DEAD OLDIE", compounded by the fact that he managed to get into the BOTF three times in the first month. He was probably sucking off KG. Some regulars still email his old address, hoping he will come back. Losers! Crap attempts! Don't confuse Kennyboy3 with KENNYF1, who was an idiot of the highest order around at the same time. Anyone caught doing this WILL BE KILLED ON SIGHT. |
| Kingwalrus - a very famous troll, if only for being the reason many people used the "ignore" function for the first time. Laughed like this: "hur, hur, hur!". Talked crap, was crap. |
| KING, DARK - [delphi profile] - This exhibit has been temporarily removed for refurbishment. - Ceb |
| KOPJ - AKA Keep On Praising Jesus - [forum] - If it were acceptable to speak entirely in mass generalisations, I would say that KOPJ is the embodiment of modern evil. A collection of right-wing, God-fearing hyper-Christian proto-McCarthiest bastards, some hapless fool stumbled across their homophobic, pro-life ramblings in September. And, what's more, he told us about it. What followed was PC Gamer's first full-scale forum war - PC Format was a tiny drop in a stupid pond compared to this. There were the good fighters - Owen, Roy5W and Tim Ward - who challenged the Christian dogma, and the bad fighters - proto-Trolls who only attempted to skank-up the Christians with anti-religious slogans. Yeah, that's REALLY gonna SHOW THEM, GREASYHOLE. Back off, slimeball! Unfortunately, KOPJ_KEN, the forum's highly vocal leader, was trigger-happy with his gaggings and bannings, to the point where several of our forum members (notably Owenn, Cerebus and Mr Chimp) had their accounts suspended, and one satellite forum, the US-based MaximumBS, was closed down altogether. Oh, no - the bridge has gone! Naturally, relations with the forum have remained frosty ever since, and there have been "spats" between the two communities sporadically. |
| KOPJ_KEN - [delphi profile] - the sworn enemy of all anti-Christians, and the leader of the KOPJ forum. Personally oversaw the banning of several of our forum members, much to out own disgust. Is sometimes referred to as "Big Brother", because he is utterly evil. It's awful to think how many otherwise normal people have their intellect warped by religion, isn't it? Interestingly, the modding style of State, which, once set up, was rejected for being too harsh, was compared by Dark King to be similar to that at KOPJ. Naturally, we cuss him bad. See here for more, ugly details. |
| LADYOGG - see Jess. |
| Little, Kate - ex-Future employee, idolised seemingly only for the fact that she was a WOMAN who was into GAMES. Yeah, yeah, yeah! Kate spent a long time as art editor of PCG, with occasional reviewing duties, until she moved into the role of news editor at "Aborted Foetus Magazine". I mean, "Videogamer". Has now left magazines all together, to work in radio. Good luck to her - and good luck to her FARMING PARENTS! |
| Long threads - A thread of 50 posts or more can be very intimidating to those who haven't been following it since its birth. Therefore undesirables such as newbies will not spam up your thread with useless little titbits of bollocks, thus allowing oldies to discuss (and cuss) in peace. Obviously it doesn't always work. I haven't changed this entry at all because, you know, it's really good. |
| Lost - You Must Be Lost's name is generally shortened to this. Interesting, eh? You know, I only put this in in case people got confused. The "full" entry is down there, idiots. |
| MADRASMAN - [delphi profile] - AKA Ceb, Cerebus Absentia - our longest-surviving "oldie", and one with the most secret plot twists and turny-esque love lives of any forum member. Cerebus isn't particularily known for anything, beyond a general, somewhat overbearing presence in blanket posting. And yet, somehow, Ceb turned his online persona into a fully-fledged love machine with his seduction of Jess, real-life friend of Floyd The Barber. After much telephone conversations and email flirting, Ceb flew over to Ireland to meet her, they had lots of sex and decided to get married. Who says that we're unconventional? Unlike some, ahem, other, partners, Ceb and Jess are genuinely suited to each other, and photos reproduced for our wanking pleasure revealed a touching tenderness and pleasing visual similarity. |
| Marckee - [delphi profile] - is often confused with McBee2, you know. Well, by me, anyhow. Because I'm silly. Incidently, his name is pronounced exactly the same as the entry below, but this one is actually is a real person, and not an HTML tag for making text go across the screen. Marckee is one of the oldest members of the forum, but his presence is never anything more than "hyyrnnnrhhhh". Dys? |
| Marquee - Make text go across the screen! Make everyone else hate you! As soon as one person used their innate HTML M@d$killz to make their signiture "do the bop", the technical folder was immediately crammed full of idiots demanding to gain control of this l33t practise. I cuss that. |
| Martyr, Haymarket - [delphi profile] - Oh, shit. OH - SHIT. Haymarket bounded onto the scene in mid-2000, full of angry, shouty joy and SEXSEXSEX. His fierce political opinionating, which tend towards EXTREME ANARCHISM SPORTS, and his stubborn nature lead to instant fame and a transcending of traditional newbie-scum roles. However, over the coming year, the forum was to witness Haymarket's alarming descent into madness. Fumbling randomly with depression, anger, happiness and - what's WORST - tasteless graphical signitures, Haymarket has now reached a new low. He's getting married to Gidget. Ignoring the fact that anarchists sneer at this sort of activity, Haymarket now divides his time equally between pushing boxes around (ahem, a 'job') and talking to Gidget, which leaves very little time for eating or sleeping. Rumours that he is to marry Gidge in December 'just to piss off Ceb and Jess by doing it first' are greatly exageratted, at that surely only makes up 63.5% of the motivation for the deed. Haymarket has always been one of the largest detractors of the PC Gamer forum, and latterly Lost, and it saddens me to report that he now must be shuffled off labelled "Damaged Goods". |
| McBee2 - [delphi profile] - Brighton's very own mid-teen Ewan McGreggor look a-like, sadly bereft of his famous alter-ego's penis-swinging tendancies, McBee2 is a the epitomy of the sort of person you like, but you can't actually figure out why. McBee's primary role is to maintain the general hub-bub that is secondary to the back-biting, bitching and FIGHT! of the central characters. In the grand narrative of PCGF, he is "Best Supporting Actor", but in the best way possible. |
| Medlock, Rob - [delphi profile] - "offensive" PC Zone-fan-troll who attacked the PCG forum with a 2000-word post consisting entirely of insults, which weren't even cynically copy-and-pasted - no, each was individually crafted for the personal touch. Months later, Medlock returned, mellowed, to confess that he now preferred PC Gamer. Medlock is famous for loving Alison Hannigan, Willow from TV's "Buffy The Dawson's Creek With Slightly Snappier Dialogue, Fighting, Monsters and Bad Special Effects", his love of the imaginary real-life beauty 'Lisa' and his in-no-way small obssession with Metallica. Medlock is long gone, unfortunately, but his memory lives on like the stench of piss in a bath. |
| Middle Regulars - a relatively new term used to describe those who cannot exactly be described as "newbies", nor have been around long enough to be included in the l33t. If you've spent a long time as a Middle Regular, it's unlikely you're funny/gay/clever enough to ever transcend this status. These tend to latch onto potential running jokes like wildfire, in the hope of getting a quick ticket to Oldie status. I mean, yeah fuckin' right. |
| MonkeyBoy13 - [delphi profile] - Not a vastly well-respected member of the forum, (now, tragically, he contributes very little, if at all), MonkeyBoy was a little bit of a scamp. D+ |
| Monstro - there was a time when "monstro" meant something. Well, that time has passed. Sniff, and that. Monstro was a made-up game that was frequently pimped in PCG, back before it became good. www.monstro.co.uk is the location of The Wind mod. Yes, yes! |
| Mortal Kombat - whenever chats get boring, we always talk about the Mortal Kombat movie. It's kind of a tradition. The original Mortal Kombat games, whilst superficial and significantly less deep than their Street Fighter equivalent, were, nevertheless lots of fun, as you could punch people in the balls and rip of their heads. Plus, look at all the blood you can make with just your stupid fists! Lui Kang is the best. Although I did like Johnny Cage for a while. He had better hair. |
| Most Dangerous Game - AKA MDG - [delphi forum] - Hey! Don't Falter.. Most Dangerous Game is a Delphi forum that makes me feel sick. It is quite literally ill. It's members are unfailingly cheery, they seem to have no self-control or official limits on signiture size, and all they do... is SPAM at each other. It's Word Association Football squared. It's wrong, it's ugly and it has no place on any forum I visit. Tsk. MDG recently entered into a miniture war with Lost over the fall-out between Gidget and ... some boring trailer trash-type who owns MDG. Lost and MDG are, for the most part, entirely ideologically opposed. |
| MTLZOMBIE - [delphi profile] - EVIL - evil is his middle name. MTLZOMBIE holds a special place in people's hearts, a place marked "KILL LIST". A PC fan-boy of the highest order, with all the sexual insecurity issues that this entails, he's also American. Can he get any worse? Well, he's also shockingly stupid, intellectually blind and thinks that talking about graphics cards is "Really GREAT!". MTLZOMBIE was the driving force between the eruption of all the PC vs CONSOLE threads. Shnnyyrrr. |
| Narcissus Entity / Cassandra Project - Conceptual Deus Ex modification presided over by the King of Pretense and self-awarded brilliant journalist Keiron Gillen. Several respected members contribute to it's beauty, and it should be finished by at least 2010. Now has it's website, which can be found here. |
| NEW WORLD ORDER - common name for the rule imposed by über mod K. Gillen after the Greatest Badness Of All, which happened (amusingly) whilst said über mod was on holiday. So, now we have less crap, less swearing and less pictures. Much less pictures. Hurrah! Much to our surprise, it works. That is, when Kieron pays attention. When he doesn't, crap like newbie claiming spams the forum up. |
| NEWBIE - Any paradise must have a flaw, and our flaw is the Newbie. Not any old Newbie however (lest I might clump them together as an incestuous shag pile, Christ forbid), but the nEwBiE sKuMm - those which arrive with negative grasp of the dynamics of our community and precede to skank things up. To use an overly-elaborate and ultimately pointless metaphor: if the newbie were a news item of international importance, it would garner more column inches and broadcast time than the history of all other news items ever, ever - in fact, so much time and effort has been put into the discussion of the role of the newbie that it almost defies belief. It's the Princess Diana's death of our little world. Ahaha. (Note: this will quite effortlessly be the longest entry in the whole encyloforum) Can you say "Look, it's really not worth thinking about this much!"? The decision was reached, then, that newbieism (as a status) is both a combination of attitude and longevity - thus, you can stick around for years and still be nEwBiE sKuMm (if you act like it, natch), or you could transcend awfulness within a matter of weeks and in extreme cases may not touch upon it at all. Unfortunately, we still have newbies-a-plenty. As the forum of the leading PC Games magazine in the UK, we are subjected to the mind mumblings of hundreds of zealot fan-boys yelling at the top of their lungs about Black and White, or Deus Ex, or Half Life - or (even worse!) Baldurs Gate 2. Do they even realise we never talk about games? How can you even begin to talk to someone who thinks like that? Worse newbie behaviour is an attempt to make a joke: usually either a gag about an integrity-me-do journalist that scribes for PCG (see "Keiron is gay/the devil/my mum/your mum/me"), or some godawful sub-sixth form level surrealist animal-based humour ("Parrots! Cows - yes, cows! Mooo! Look at the irony on me!"). First impressions are pain-stakingly important in these situations - oldies hold grudges, and use deadly weapons: intelligence, logic, humour, sarcasm and irony (mostly alien concepts to the die-hard newbie) will all be dispatched without remorse should you displease the overlords of goodness. Yet, if you can hold a debate, fight your corner, tell laugh-worthy gags, spell and use proper grammar, avoid the Caps lock and defend your opinions no matter how ridiculous they are (possibly to a narcissitic level.. when you stop seeing sense through absolute level of anger) you just might get "accepted". Although, to be honest we've been doing a little bit too much of that recently. Not hard enough! More Nazism! See also: F.O.N, E.O.N., Bobsy, Are you... (strokes beard) ..new? and Martyr, Haymarket. |
| Newbie claiming - the least entertaining anti-Newbie device ever invented, immediately jumped on by the Middle Regulars. The practise was (excellently) murdered by K. Gillen under the New World Order system before it was allowed to "wee all over my tits". |
| Nick - Nick, oh Nick! avv met Nick on a ski holiday with his "school", and promptly, and efficiently, fell in love with him. The probably explanation was that he was a better skier than avv was, and, unable to be jealous of him, avv got his own back by falling in love. Or something. So, why is this in the encyloforum? Well, it allows me to introduce two "threads" of thought: firstly, avv's "groundbreaking" 'Stalking Nick' thread, in which he detailed his attempts to ensnare his prey (sadly, fruitless). 'Stalking Nick' gave inspiration, from it's tragi-comic diary style, to the hugely popular 'Your Day' thread, in which Lost members detailed the events and non-events of their REAL LIVES. It was truely depressing. Secondly, it identifies the unrequited love phenomenon which has cursed almost every member of the forum. Floyd has his Emily, Haymarket has his Charlotte, Bobsy has his Jenny, Highmore has his Naomi, Medlock (famously) almost had his Lisa - and SO ON. We would probably win an award for "unluckiest in love" forum, were it not for the fact that "real life" boyfriend and girlfriends Jess and Cerebus, Stone and Kaminskaite and (spit, spit) Daniel and Lisa had not met through it. Anyhow, more on them in other places. |
| Oblong - AKA Oblong Chicken, OBLONGCHICKE, Wankman - [deceased] - Oblong is dead, love live Oblong. Always oblique, cynical and distant, very little is actually known about Oblong, beyond a vague location and and idea of his age ("about 17"). Despite the fact that he was the 3rd biggest poster before Delphi's close (behind Bobsy and avv), Oblong staunchly refused to take part in any love-ins, and spat acid in the eye of what he saw as "the cult of celebrity" that followed the most respected forum members around, and apparently restricted the middle regulars with aspirations to 'l33t' status to express any contrary opinions. He also dispised the irrational newbie-bashing, although he was not immune from attacking them himself. Oblong was a brilliant writer, argumentative and intelligent, and his posts were always tinged with vitriol, which inevitably lead to more than a few run-ins with notable forum members - avv, Haymarket, Bobsy and others all conducted extensive arguments with him. Oblong inspired a sort of grudging respect amongst his opponents, so he was never really properly dispised (although he came close at the end). His logic wasn't always spot on (a tendancy to use irrelevent social experiments as examples to back up his arguments was grating), but his detirmination / arrogance / stubborness was second to none. Oblong is the greatest cynic and critic we'll probably ever see, and provided a welcome antidote to the occasionally over-bearing love-in that pervades our little world. Unfortunately, after a particularily terse argument between Oblong, newt, 4-D, Burma Boy, avv, Haymarket, Bobsy and Benj (phew!), he decided to terminate his account. He still returns under another account though. I cuss that. |
| OINGY_BOINGY - [delphi profile] - No one person has managed to split the forum communities more than Oingy Boingy, an intruiging little troll-come-pet who only utters the words "oingy boingy" at random intervals, except once, when he said, "Operating System 10z", or something, because his owner forgot who he was logged in as. Was adopted as a mascot by the PC Format forum on the day he was banned, and has been threatened with ban-ship by K. Gillen at the PCGF. Oh, yes. Some (Owen, avv, Stone and others), appreciate his sense of timing, and the way in which his abstract replies force posters to reconsider the merits of their original message (Owen's words, not mine), yet others fail to grasp his "humour". Or is it humour at all? Is it merely somebody who has a lot of keys missing on their keyboard? People know who he is "really", but I'm not telling you now. Foo'. Has now been permanently banned by Delphi, but only after spawning his own forum, a Planterion alliance (with *it's* own forum), hundreds of followers and imitators and spreading the word as far a knitting forums. The owner is no "thinking about" legal action against Nestle, after they blatently stole his idea for their new advertising campaign for some sweets. See this - HERE. |
| Oldies As Newbies - Can I kick it? Yes, I can! Then, I choose to kick this habit - bored-off-their-tits, Oldies create a new account in order to be as much of an idiot as they like. It's rubbish, okay? |
| Online Gamers - it has been decided, by years of intensive research, that between 60 and 90 percent of all online gamers are twats. Except those which contribute their valuble opinions to our world, of course. The most "popular" online games are Counter-Strike and QIII. However, anyone with a machine powerful enough to run these games at any sort of decent speed is clearly a TECHNOLOGY WHORE. |
| Or something - Finish all sentences with "or something" in order to avoid actually commiting yourself to any opinion, statement or awful allegation. Or something. Think of it as a way of avoiding libel charges: "Kieron Gillen ate my balls... or something". Do you see? |
| Owen - [delphi profile] - The Hooker With The Heart Of Gold. Is there anything this man cannot do? Is there anyone this man cannot bed? Self-proclaimed Jude Law look-a-like (Suspicious? No!), Wale's very own Owen Evans enduring popularity can be attributed to his utter inability to LOSE ARGUMENTS, devilish GOOD LOOKS and latent HOMOSEXUALITY. Owen is so popular, he spawned his own forum, We Love Owen, in which people charitably debated who was actually closer to perfection, Owen or Tim, and whether they were, in fact, one and the same. As a philosophy graduate, Owen rules over us all in arguments concerning the Philosophe (natch), Religion and other such "matters", and must be respected as such. Along with avv and Stone, Owen makes up the central trio of CvP. Hyyyybnnnnnnrrr-bzzzzt! |
| Packed Lunch - Irregularly updated office-love-in column on the PC Gamer website, which is officially "totally tits!" The Packed Lunch was once opened up to readers, and the winning entry was by Dark King (officially, the most interesting thing he has ever done.) Also the basis for Stone's brilliant spoonerism - "Packed Lunch ... Lacked Punch". HA! |
| PaddersG - [delphi profile] - Manchester-inhabiting token gay member of the PCFF (a forum now, sadly, defunkt, as most of it's members now spend twenty-four hours a day with their groins plugged into fuck-a-kid.com), Padders is notable for having UTTERLY FALLEN IN LOVE with avv. Yes, yes! |
| Paladin - Paladin started off "okay", and was trundling along fine as a middle-regular, with some Lost appearences. HOWEVER, he then went utterly off the rails in the most mental way possible, and ended up at MDG after some kind of emotional crisis. What could possibly drive somebody to do such a thing? Some say drugs, I say - WORSE - drink. |
| Patricia - [delphi profile] - Lucy in the Skyanth. Dutch-born Patricia, who, for reasons best known to herself, now lives in Belgium, has acquired a small legion of fans who allegedly "love her way, every day, yay-a-yay", mostly due to the fact that she is a girl. Not only is she a girl, but she also not idiotic, and not ugly. Not only is she neither idiotic or ugly, but she is the other side: 'good' and beautiful. I really cannot think of anything to say other than this: Patricia is a great person, in all the right ways. Who likes Giraffes. |
| PC Gamer - This is a magazine. This is the forum of a magazine. These are people who read the magazine. BOOM! |
| PC Gaymer - on New Years Eve, 2000 ("the year of understanding and forgiveness"), a bunch of unmitigated cunts from the PC Format forum decided it would be "the fun" to use their excellent technical know how to impress others: witness them posting messages which results in a giant pink box covering the thread, with "PC Gaymer" written at the top. Yeah, heights of humour, mmm? Anyhow, the offenders have been dealt with, and formally apologised. We still hate them, though. Never forget! It says a lot about PCFF that they were doing this late on New Year's Eve. |
| PC Format - rival magazine to PC Gamer, although both are produced from the same 'stable', PC Format tends to appeal to the technology WHORES who like to cream their love gravy all over the latest "fancy kit". As such, the PC Format forum is chocked-full of dull-ass threads about graphical manipulation, compatibility issues, Super Robo-Programmer 47 v3.2b and "Where can I plug my cock in?". Still, even if they are ugly, maladjusted humour-bypass loveless fuckwits with the collective style of PENGUINS who fall over TRYING TO LOOK AT PLANES, they are still l33t! Because PC Gamer is read by beautiful, funny, intelligent and stylish human beings, the jealousy is palatable from the nerd camp, which has lead to a certain degree of, ahem, friction between the two groups (see "YOUR GAY"). |
| Pierce, Matthew - Does Matthew Pierce edit PC Gamer, or does PC Gamer edit Matthew Pierce? If you ever see Matthew, you will probably think "THAT MAN NEEDS A SHAVE" first, and "HAS HE JUST PISSED THAT DIRTY TOWEL HE'S WEARING?" second. We love you, Matt. |
| PIGGY, GUCCI_ - [delphi profile] - Arvind is a... volatile little child, who randomly fluctuates between loving everyone and hating everyone. He writes some stuff, which is "alright". I don't know this for sure, as I couldn't be arsed to read it. After the fall out between avv, Bobsy, 4-D and Oblong, Arvind has been acting very, very wierd. He posts little rhymes and bitches at everyone. I think he's gone... in an emotional and mental sense. |
| President Of The Forum - McBee2 started this thread which banged us off into the voting for the President of the Forum, a blatent popularity contest, which was eventually drawn by avv and Tim Ward, neither of whom did much... or even anything during their time in office. The original message was printed in the best of the forum. As with any introspective thread, it turned into a shameless love-in AND bitch-fest within 50 posts. |
| Pritt Stick Horse - see Edwards, Tim |
| Question! - Ste's love of Destiny's Child has led to the creation of this semi-phrase. Question! Who is great? Ste! |
| Quiz - Do you have a girlfriend? You're looking real cool! Buying into the parasitic meme that you can tell something about someone from a series of questions, the forum regularly posts QUIZ-QUIZ-QUIZi that demand to know all things about all people - mostly "What are you wearing right now?". Stone burst off this ker-raze with his quiz for the PC Gamer "kru", most of whom took time out to complete it, but other quiz-types have manifested in general knowledge things and game-specific ones from avv. |
| Quotation Marks - not the godawful I-can't-believe-it's-on-the-air game show presented by V. Feltz, but a practise of "randomly" "placing" "words" "into" "quotation" "marks". Probably derived from Digitiser, and one of the oldest sarcasm signifiers and forum themes. SCC recently took the practise to new heights"," by putting punctuation in quotation marks"." Full stops can be sarcastic too"," you know"." |
| Random Picturing (RIPPing)- Random Internet Picture Posting, a latter technqiue (though soon fell out of favour), for dealing with idiots was to simply show random images to the person, so that... so that something. Er, something. Something that would SHOW THEM WHAT'S WHAT. Invented by Bobsy, incidently. Favoured images include those of "modern art" and random pictures of animals. The practise later extended into weapons of mass destruction - i.e. pictures of Anne Widdecome, "MP". Sadly, we gave it up because it was too much bother to search for pictures that would mean nothing. And the recipients didn't deserve the amount of work a ripping would involve. |
| (R)ed - [delphi profile] - without doubt, the most insatiable masochist of the forum: no matter how many times you verbally beat him until he rolls into a ball to protect his kidneys and curtail the inner bleeding, he always comes back for more, giving him the image of this happy puppy covered in bruises. Unfortunately, (R)ed also has tendancies towards SPAM. Spam, spam spam. Together with equally non-popular forum member "Qirexal" (or SOMETHING, or WHATEVER), he can quickly escalate a thread into numbering hundreds of posts, full of the kind of shit you wouldn't reprocess and feed to Cows. Even if you WANTED them to get Foot and Mouth disease. (R)ed also does crappy little pictures of foxes with big tits, and expects us to suck his cock. Yeah, right. In the word of Visible Choirboy - 'cunt'. |
| Redshift - If, due to old age, incomptence or lack of visual motivation, you experience eye trouble which means that all red colours are shifted slightly to the right, your disease may - just may - share it's name with this guy - REDSHIFT! Redshift "burst" onto the scene with his giggle-ish parody of the Cassandra Project, which set tongues a-wagging amongst us. "ooh, he's quite good, isn't he?" More than that, you underestimating bum-lips - he's creasingly funny, and has 'written' some of the bestest stuff to come out of the forum EVER. Redshift, real name Ryan, has met the PC gamer "krew" in one of Bath's many hot nitespots, where Ste was rude to him. KISS KISS, BANG BANG. |
| Religion - source of the fantastic (for "fantastic", incidently, read "crap") 'Jim McC that email was bollocks' thread. Also the reason about fifty people went to the "Keep On Praising Jesus" forum to shout at the believers in septermber. Yeah, brilliant! Except the results being the banning of "hundreds" of our forum members, Greasyhole thinking he was popular and loads of other crazy shit. See also KOPJ_KEN, whackme.co.uk |
| Review an Oldie - One of the only threads to score over 600 posts off it's own steam, it gave us all a chance to say what we really thought of each other. Oh, okay, to love each other up. Most consistantly high scoring was Annabeth, for she be lovely girl is. On the eve of the forum closure, 'Review an Oldie' was the most requested thread for ripping, containing as it did both a collosal love in and the creation of the Timist movement. |
| Roburky - I can't possibly think of anything interesting to say about him, other than that he is something of a regular, who [grins] alot. I'd like to put that grin WHERE IT HURTS. |
| RoyW5 - [delphi profile] - Roy genuinely suffers from depression, which easily makes him the most compassionate, humanist and intelligent members of the forum: one of those love-you-all types, which sits at odds with his manicism. He's a great writer, a great 'person' and probably a great shag, but does sometimes have worrying tendencies towards sounding like a self-help book. Still, we can't all be perfect, can we? Roy tends not to get involved in the "squabblings" of the forum, which makes us wonder if he's a real person at all, or merely someone conducting an experiment to make people feel bad about being so petty. |
| Saint, The - Is it his youthful complexion, his zest for living life to the full or his undeniable adoration of The Chat that make us all love Saint? In fact, it's probably none of those, because The Saint is a bit of a square peg in our round hole. (*fap fap fap fap...*) He likes "underground, hardcore" Trance music, thinks the UK Independance Party are "banging" and that the European Union "sucks A$$". Okay, I might be paraphrasing him a bit there, but, let's face it, he's politically bent-off. Disappeared for a while, only to reappear in a state of not-being-better. Natch. |
| Sarcasm - In ancient Greece, there was Earth, Fire, Water and Air. This is not ancient Greece, although, admittedly, we probably have similar levels of gay bum sex. We have Sarcasm, Humour, Irony and Aitch-Tee-Em-El. There is also a mysterious fifth element. His name is Tim. |
| Sense Of Humour - People who describe themselves as having "A Good Sense Of Humour" are to be avoided, especially if they write it in a lonely hearts column. It will not surprise you to learn, then, that many of those who worship their own infallible sense of humour are in fact witless dough-boys with a sickeningly derivitive pechant for sub-Izzard surrealism and Monty Python rip-offs. |
| SHADOWIX - see Goon... hired goon |
| Shits and giggles - "funny" way of describing doing something for the hell of it. Witness - "Why did you do it?" "Shits and giggles, mostly". Dys? |
| Signitures - There are more rules governing the creation of signitures than there are rules governing the Common Agricultural Policy, or The Treaty Of Versailles, and to attempt to map them out fully here would take more time than you have to waste today - EVEN IF YOU'RE A LAZY FUCKABOUT. Thus, briefly, the commandments: Thou Shalt Not Use Images Of An Excessively Large Size Or Beyond An Agreed Level Of Ugliness, Thou Shalt Not Use A Signiture Longer Than Your Post, Thou Shalt Not Use Puns, Thou Shalt Not List ALL Of The FUCKING FORUMS YOU GO TO, Thou Shall Include Thine Name, If Thy Wish, Thou Shalt NEVER, EVER, NOT FUCKING EVER Use Flash, Thou Shalt Not Abuse Aitch-Tee-Em-El, Thou Shalt Not Include "Bits That Move", Be They TEXT Or Graphic and finally Thou Shalt Be Naked In The Cupboard At Midnight. The debate rages on about signitures: should the signiture be funnier than the post, should it be funny at all? Should it be profound? Should it reflect society in an amusing way? Dare you use tables, or 'clever' graphics? Oh, CRISIS! Annoyingly, the longest threads are normally titled "sig test", which is utter tits. |
| SILASDOMINEY - [delphi profile] - Musically-talented type, who spends a lot of his time being quiet, and occasionally says something clever about games: one of those 'concept' people. However, when you scrape away his herpic exterior, he is quite good in most other ways, too. Contributes regularly to the State forum and website, and is by reputation a very good writer. Comparable with a less famous version of Tim Ward. |
| Spoon, Mr - [delphi profile] - There is no Spoon. |
| State - [delphi forum] - popular and reasonably successful games forum that rose from the metaphorical ashes of the PCG to provide a platform for which mostly ex-PCG-ites can talk about proper games and game theory. Not as serious as the EDGE forum, nor as loose as the PCG forum, State sets a nice balance. Unfortunately, State had an uncomfortable birth, as it's founder, 8D, set an overly-strict policy on moderating the messages (which is fine if you're trying to avoid all the shit - see NEW WORLD ORDER), which was unfairly criticised by the senior moderators of Lost and caused a minor rift between Dark King and Pat, although any excuse to bitch about King must be taken, to be honest. State lives on to this day, and is accompanied by a website run by BM03. |
| Ste - [delphi profile] - "Respected" EDGE journalist, with a tried-and-tested line in spikiness and aggression. Ste used to do quite a few reviews for PC Gamer - unfortunately, since he uses all reviews as a soap box from which to cuss the state of PC gaming, commissioners have become understandable "less than enthusiastic". Ste has a small-yet-dedicated following, most of whom he actually hates, who rejoice in the following: all things Japanese, console gaming, Kurt Vonnegut, rhythm-action games and BEING A BISEXUAL RAT. Interesting Ste fact #1: half-way through his dissertation on time travel, he decided to change direction to write about the possibility of a love affair between Billy and Anne from Neighbours across time and space. Interesting Ste fact #2: Ste and Johnny Casino are not mutually exclusive sub-routines. |
| Story Time - the most irritating thread of all time, and one that must be destroyed on sight. Smuggled in by Tim Ward from the UT forums (a lie). Tim can also be blamed for dildos (a fact), though he'll be quick to deny it (a lie). Of course, this was back in the days when Tim was... different (a fact). Other famous entries which keep cropping up are simply "me" and "THE BOTTLE, NOT THE PENIS!" (a lie). See also: Bobsy, Long threads |
| TAK (The Anarchist Kid) - irritating faux-revolutionary from the PCFF. Thinks that his semi-developed ideas about anarchism are "really great", and is consistantly proven wrong by people who he doesn't even deserve to lick the boots of. Is apparently quite anal about spelling, which should please PCGF's burgeoning dyslexic community. |
| Thrawn, Lord - [delphi profile] - Oh, Iain! You're in your mid-twenties, aren't you? Yes, very good! You work in the IT industry, don't you?! Oh, super! Well done! You've got a mortgage, and you've bought a car, haven't you?! Congratulations! Thrawn is rapidly approacing middle age at a time when he should, by rights, be snorting cocaine off the buttocks of a twelve year old Phillipino boy. But we love him anyway. Intelligent, funny etc. "All the right moves!" Hangs around with Stone, presumably they spend at lot of time "in each other's arms". |
| THUMBS_ALOFT - [delphi profile] - see S. Campbell |
| Timism - the deification of Tim Ward. In a religion described by many as having "several major innaccuracies", (such as Tim Ward being God, Tim Ward creating the world, Tim Ward smiting Soddom and Gammorah), it still manages to attract followers from "all over the globe". Timism was founded on Scarcasm, Irony and HTML, each of which are seperate disciplines within the Timist faith, and each with their own religious leaders. You really can't make this shit up. Invented on the "Review an Oldie" thread, but later spawned it's own forum, here. |
| TRANCE vs BECK - This debate has only Q3 vs UT as a precedent for The Most Tedious and or Lengthy Debate Ever. For some reason, DISCOBOX and The Saint decided that Beck and Trance were the perfect musical opponents, and charitable debated which was better for several hundred posts. The rest of the forum looked on in slack-jawed disbelief. "They've got to be taking the piss, right?" Apparently not. |
| TURNIP, SPACE_ - see Martyr, Haymarket |
| UGLIER_HO - the "acceptable" face of many trolls, who turns out to be an "alright" kinda guy. Coolio! The alter-ego of UGLY_HO, as well as many others, who will probably remain unknown. UGLY has now pretty much retired from Delphi all together to spend time with his Russian GirlFriend and Her Tits, but he still turns up at Lost on a pretty regular basis. UGLY is a Canadian based in America with a tendancy to heavy cannabis intake, salon.com and property ownership. At one point, Delphi was sending emails to his Webmaster to complain about his behaviour. Unfortunately, because he is his own webmaster, little action was taken. Avv takes some pride in the fact that UGLY considers him "intruiging". UGLY's most famous project was OINGY_BOINGY, which just exploded all over the fucking place. A BIT LIKE A COCK. |
| UGLY_HO - the worst troll of all time, yet walked amongst us. Most of his posts were so unbelievably offensive they were deleted within a couple of minutes, and were anti-semetic, neo-Nazi type things. Anyhow, rumours were flying around that it was actually someone in the forum - Rob Medlock got the finger pointed at him mostly, as did Oblong Chicken. Turned out to be the Above. |
| Veej - Videogamer is dead - Long Live Veej. In their eternal wisdom, the Future overlords decided to launch this magazine - who's concept, though solid, was never really very marketable - during a transitional market period as the economy approached recession. Yeah, good one. Naturally, it lasted all of six issues before being cancelled, but gained a small following from PCG-types supporting Kate Little in her new role as news editor. What was wrong with Videogamer? Rubbish covers. Childish design. Too cheap. No market. Not much, then. |
| Visible - Punk-obssessed Digitiser-loving regular, Visible is occasionally screened on afore-mentioned Teletext "thing", and is, according to most, "avv 2.0". Even his real life fans (who are, mostly, actually quite attractive. I've, um, seen photos..) agree with this. Visible is aggressive, dispite his diminutive status, but funny with it, thinking nothing of cussing up most things. Lives in Essex. Yes, I know. As such, he drinks lots of Hooch and Cider, hangs around in parks, speaks with a shit accent and has sex with girls as young as 7. This is the face of modern depravity, man. If only he were bisexual. |
| Visual Bearding - the act of including an image of a bearded gent in your post to a newbie_skum, presumably because you're too lazy to manually type out the bearding ritual. Started by Bobsy, it later transformed into any offensive images (Anna Widdecome-me-do!), and eventually evolved into RIPPing. The process was cussed by Tim Edwards, who was a little bit anti-establishment at that time anyway. |
| W.D.P.C.S. - Counterstrike-hating organisation started by Floyd, designed to undermine the power weilded by CS over the rest of the mod community: to wit, they are all imagination / inspiration-starved as they attempt to out-CS CS. Idiotas! |
| Wankman - see OBLONGCHICKE |
| Ward, Tim - [delphi profile] - [Tim Ward: the extended entry] - Just as there are five pillars of Islam, there are 5, or there abouts - we haven't sorted it out yet - pillars of the PC Gamer forum. The Tim pillar, or the "arguments" pillar, is one of the most important. Tim's posting is just prolific, both in terms of number and ferocity. Falling into an argument with Tim is a bit like falling into a "special death pit", with numerous and cunning ways of making you kill yourself: to wit, there is no-one else you would rather have on your side in any of the PCGF's many scraps. He'll argue politics, and win. He'll argue philosophy, and win. Christ's bicycle - he'll even argue game theory... but he doesn't win all the time at that, because he likes RTSs. Enjoyment-me-don't. And - GET THIS - he's only 19. Show us what it is to be stupid, Tim. If there is such a thing, Tim is the elitest elite - respected and known by all, which lead to the creation of the Timist movement, a religion based on the four areas in which Tim has unrivalled command - sarcasm, (most famously when he took the piss out of some poor fool for 50 running posts, with brilliant made-up statistics and claims he held "a degree in games from a college". Chortle...), HTML and... some others. Tim's weakness, however, is his spelling. He claims he's dyslexic, but that turned out just to be an excuse to spell 'As', 'Has'. Tim's REAL LIFE father is Tony Ward, who had "special powers" in the world of sport during the 1980s. Or something. |
| WEE_DAVE - [delphi profile] - despite the fact that no-one respects WEE_DAVE even in the smallest way (only in the "oh, well, I suppose he does know a bit about computers, not that I respect that or anything, you know, he's a NERD!" way), he still managed to find his way into the "most posts" ever table at number 12, mostly due to his tireless contributions to the technical folder. Yawn-me-do. WEE_DAVE spends most of his time at the PC Format forums, which tells you everything you need to know. |
| We Love Owen - hilariously content-devoid spin-off forum, dedicated to the Philisophical Heavy Weight from Wales, Owen Evans. Anyhow, since every SINGLE member has full moderator (or "mod") status, the forum undergoes name changes, colour scheme changes and language changes every 30 seconds. Started by Danny G, who should be punished, with bells on. |
| whackme.co.uk - website owned by Ceb that holds all kind of forum stuff, mostly centered around the Lost community, although there is limited PCG stuff - most notably this thing here, that you are eye-scanning. Originally, whackme was dedicated to cursing the fact that Ceb had had his old account "neutered" by KOPJ_KEN via TOS (arf). Whackme plays host to the cream of the creative stuff, but leaves me feeling oddly cold. Like a shower that doesn't work. Or, perhaps, a shower that does work, but that only spews out fresh blood. FRESH BLOOD. |
| White, Black and - In running for "best game ever", and most definitely in the running for "worst thread ever". First we had "WHEN IS B&W COMING!!?"", swiftly followed by "B&W IS COMING SOON!!11" and "B&W IS RELEASED TOMORROW!!11". Then we has "B&W: WHAT DO U THINK?!!", "B&W: BEST GAME EVER!!!!111!!" and "B&W IS UTTER CRAP" or "THE B&W BACKLASH STARTS HERE". All of which gave the regulars the sort of headache which has to be referred to a specialist drill doctor. |
| Wind, the - It would be peurile for me to make a joke about farts here. Parp! The Wind is a less-clever-than-it-thinks-it-is single player modification for "bane of humanity" Half Life. Allegedly "inspired" by Tim Edward's cry for more inventive modifications, this black and white film noir adventure shamelessly steals scenes from LA Confidential, The Third Man and Maltese Falcon. It's nowhere near finished yet, but it should hopefully not be rubbish. Or at least, we hope it will be better than that awful KG Deus EX mod. C'uh! Concept! On the development team are Mr Spoon, Redshift and avv. |
| Word Association Football - the largest single thread ever written, started by forum hero Jez, which managed to reach 10,000 posts on the Eve before the forum was shut down. At one point, around 30 people were all posting at the same time, and Keiron closed the thread for posting when it reach 10,017. Who did the fabled 10k post go to? Semi-regular Cypher, although his picture signiture has prevented him earning a place in this THING, HERE. |
| Yo - the accepted way to greet your fellows upon entering a chat room or in one of those seedy MSN Messenger chats that have "popped up". No exclamation marks, as you're not that happy to be there, man. Acceptable variations are now "y to the o" or "y to the mother-fucking o", if you're feeling a little rapper. Probably Lil Bow Wow. Dys? |
| Yoda - 'Hey - this has "Best Of The Forum" written all over it', some hapless Gamer subordinate must have cried, as they put SCC's comedically inspired "Yoda For A Week" thread into the magazine. ("For a week Yoda am I") Yeah, good one. Unfortunately, the resulting fallout of "Fish For A Week", "Medieval For A Week" and "Sean Connery For A Week" were all universally rank in comparison to the original. |
| Your Lost / You Must Be Lost - [delphi forum] - Your Lost, You Must Be Lost, or simply "Lost" as it has come to be known by the kinds of people who cannot bear to write more than four letters at a time (e.g. "fuck Lost cock") is a "breakaway" rebellion, or possibly a satellite forum to the PC Gamer Forum (despite having been cruelly plucked from it's Delphi teat) set up by Floyd The Barber to allow the l33t to converse in their well-trodden love-in stylee without fear of the nEwBiE sKuMm interrupting, or yelling "your gay" over the fence. Lost is by no means perfect - it has too many moderators, too little genuine debate and content, and has been home to some of the most irritating, melodramatic and boring scenes in recent times. But the rampant bumming makes up for it, at least most of the time. Lost has earned a reputation as a haven for the hardest cynics, which has caused many a "war" with forums founded on the principles of sickening happiness. Some of us predicted that Lost's star would gradually fade as people moved to the new PC Gamer forum, yet none of us could have foreseen just how awful it would transpire to be - thus, Lost has only become stronger with PCGF's weakness. It is also home to some of the best "creative" pieces of recent times - both drawinz and writinz. Kiss me, Hardy! |
| YourLost Awards - What's the point in having a bunch of "brilliant" people all together in one place if they aren't going to have a furious and erotic love in? A gigantic celebration of their own superiority? Bobsy spotted this marvellous niche, and the YourLost Awards were born. A dedicated forum to the award ceremonies (which will no doubt be ressurrected next year. Er, natch?) was created, and all members were expected to vote. Vote, vote vote! Notable surreal winners include avv & Owen as Best Couple (beating off competion from genuine couples Kaminskaite & SCC [sadly no longer together, but - hey-hey - life goes on] and Cerebus & Jess) and SCC as Best Person Ever. (second place: Mr Spoon). Pleasingly, me (avv) was victorious in five whole catagories out of a total of eleven nominations. Also a record. Love me! Love me! Unfortunately, the forum they were held in has been closed, and seeing as we all hate each other now, it is unlikely to be opened again. Shit shame. |
| YOUR GAY - deliberately peurile / childish insult used to belittle your enemies. The correct reply is "What, my gay?" or possibly "What about my gay?" and not "Im not a poof, ur a fookin poof". avv stole this joke from sucky-sucky five-dollar usenet news group alt.digitiser. The most famous "incident" surrounding "YOUR GAY" was avv's trip to PC Format, in which he responded to "NICKTHEGEEK"'s hilarious gag "GAY PEOPLE SUCK!!!" with aforementioned insult. The innate inability of all PC Format members to maintain a sense of humour lead to a debate lasting several hundred posts. Tim Ward was dragged into the argument, which explains a lot. YOUR GAY died out in the PCGF with the demise of the Delphi forums, and, amusingly, attempts to revive it were rebuked with claims of homophobia. HA! However, YOUR GAY lives on at Lost, where it is standard practise to greet a foolish mistake or basic error with the call. Plus, if you're "getting into an argument", it can quickly difuse the situation with it's womanish ways. Parpen! |